Archive for February 6, 2011
By: Naveed Taj Ghouri
These all tips are based upon my personal experiences, relationships, study, observations and discussions with many people on various aspects. You can say few things that I’ve learned from my life and try to implement them. Just because it’s all judgmental; so you have all the rights to agree or disagree with these. I would be thankful to you if you like to provide me some feedback on this article. Thanks in advance & May God bless you and protect your relationships. Amen.
1. Don’t Disagree!
Never disagree, even though it’s a simple matter of deciding among a cup of tea or coffee; people get hurt and sometimes takes it too serious when their friends try to deny their opinions and especially in front of others or at public places. In particular, even when they are wrong, don’t say it to your friend bluntly while sitting in social community groups, e.g. parties, friends circle, classrooms, family gatherings etc. Doesn’t mean you should accept every black n white from your relation; but don’t just let him / her down. You can always talk about controversial issues later on in private.
2. Don’t Criticize!
Don’t criticize too much. If anything is seriously wrong and you want your relation to get rid of that, don’t let him / her feel that you get annoyed by this. Rather analyse it first, might you are the one who who perceives it wrong; then mention it softly at suitable time, and give your relation some space and time to improve on that issue. People start avoiding you when you become too critic on them.
3. Give Surprises!
Suitable when he / she expecting almost nothing, always try to bring something new, something delightful to your relationship. It can be anything, from a good news to a small gift, a beautiful poem to a rose. Always remember important days belong to your relations; don’t forget to wish them on time. People always need something refreshing, something new because of boredom of their routine life.
4. Respect & Protect Your Relation! It’s only you who matters. You have to be really very careful about your relationships, especially while discussing with others. It is only you who can shape up the image of your relation, if you let it down, nobody will even care to give any respect to your relationship. Similarly, don’t be ashamed or at back foot about your relations; defend and protect them. If you don’t care about saving your relations in hard times, no one else wants to. Respect him / her in every case.
5. Don’t Claim Too High! You cannot build a skyscraper in one night; means never claim which you can’t perform. It will help you to save and maintain your image. Dissonances in relationships arise when people can’t perform according to their claims. It’s easy to say anything, but hard to act upon; so do what you said otherwise you will loose trust on yourself. As someone said “Big Claims Need Big Proves”.
6. Take A Break! Sounds strange, but believe me one of the most important factor people ignores commonly. It is sometime distances which help you to create more attraction in your relation and obviously about yourself too. Take a little break unnoticed, while having its too long with each other or especially when you feel that everything is not as just right. Don’t let the other know; that you are away or not in touch preplanned. Just do it casually and let him / her miss you a little bit.
7. Don’t Compare / Compete!
Good relationships have no equality! That’s true because if you want to be very good in any relationship, don’t compare or compete. There is no contest in relationship; actually when you try to do something better than the other one, or try to win something, you unintentionally trying to beat him / her. Also don’t compare because relations are not something to list down, that what you did for him / her and what he / she did for you. Even if you are better in any aspect than the other, don’t make realize this advantage to them and never ever compare your achievements with the other. Don’t let your relation feel that you are superiors to him / her.
8. Do Sacrifice!
A Person actually get involved with many things at a time, and among them the sweetest is his own self. Sacrifice is the name, when you prefer others wants over yourself. One has to be sacrificing, when he or she is in relationship, because people are so unpredictable. To sacrifice your pleasure for the sake of the other’s pleasure might be the most difficult, but that’s the true essence of any relation. Try not to compete with other is good; but its best when you give your relationship something he / she don’t have.
9. Be Careful to His / Her Friends!
It’s better to make your friend angry than to annoy his / her friend. Don’t forget that you are not the only person close to your relation. Always there have been someone else than you, whom he / she talks, even about you. People have tendency to share their events and feelings about their particular relationships with their other friend or friends. Always try to build good relation and image to them, because these are the people who can play a vital or critical role when you might have been in some kind of serious situation or crisis in with your relationship. If they like you or respect you, believe me, they will do advocacy on your behalf without any stake. And what if they have bad reputation or experience from yourself; and the other one is asking them for help or advice in these circumstances, imagine what could be the outcome!!!
10. Don’t Lie!
Even you are the most successful liar of your time, please don’t add lie in your relationship. Primarily of two reasons: First a relationship is not a relationship if it based on lie and deceits. Say is something else, but don’t call it your relation, and second there is no such thing as bad as lying with your relations. People may forget your bad character, even if you have criminal record, but they don’t forget if they realized that you tried to cheat them. It’s better to speak and be always true to them, even if you can’t tell something true, don’t talk about it. Yes I agree, in few conditions, you can’t actually say everything right, may be it’s for the sake of others long term benefit, or may be it is to protect and save them from harmfulness of any situation; which is called manipulating the truth. But it should be the temporarily. People lie in relationship because they think that the relations are associated with something which they don’t have e.g. false standards, prestigious things etc, and they will loose their worth even relation if they say them truly, actually they are on wrong track. Remember, a little ray of light is always better than the world full of darkness.
11. Ask for Help!
“Two heads are better than one”. Sometimes when you stuck in middle of something, it’s not a bad idea to say someone else for help. In our relationship it happens, when we can’t decide about something so clearly regarding situations we are dealing in our relations. Don’t afraid or hesitate to call someone else (most suitable your friend) and ask him / her for help, advice or opinion. Again it’s your choice or selection for your “helper”. Obviously it is you, who have to decide finally, but to talk about all alternatives or take your friend opinion may help you to reach conclusion.
12. Don’t Advise Too Much!
It has been said that a mothers should feed her child only when he’s crying for that. A person who tries to be so much mother caring (or father figure if u male) often finds difficulties to manage relationships. People especially adults most of the times are sensitive to their issues and basically wants to handle them by their own. It’s a separate debate whether they are right or wrong, but don’t try to suggest them too much or too often in their personal matters by, if they haven’t asked you for that. Never let them feel that you are interfering in their personal matters.
13. Talk About Other Self!
Talk as much as less about yourself as you can. Instead try to listen more, if you aren’t a good listener or the other one is not good speaker and wants you to speak all the times; then even talk something about him / her. People always like to talk, know and explore about their own-self than anyone else. Generally people will take more interest in you if you will discuss themselves with them.
14. Don’t be Too Expressive!
It’s not always too good to say everything. Let you and your feelings covered. Basically feelings are something that belongs to the perception part of the other. Let the other understand your feelings without saying anything. Feelings are source of power in any relationship, and feelings also work as protector in relationship. Actually when you express your feelings, you loose strengths of your personality and make yourself weak and vulnerable. It gets too dangerous when you are a sensitive type of person, and even a single word may hurt you a lot, especially when you know that other knows your feelings and still doing unlikely.
15. Read Other’s Expectations!
It involves everything, their expressions, their gestures, body language, words, tone of their voice and situation. Try to guess early, try to read that what other person might need in this situation, from anyone or especially from you. Sometimes people either aren’t too expressive or actually don’t want to tell you something by their own self or even they don’t know that what they want at certain times. So basically they build expectations and you have to exactly know how you have to respond in different situation. It may be a solution addressing their problem, or can be a poem suitable to their mood; all depends. Simply use your judgements and intuitions and don’t let your relation feel that you are ignoring him / her.
16. Select Beautiful Words!
Have you ever looked around yourself, there are words everywhere, people, books, conversations, walls, advertising messages, media, newspapers, poetry & bla bla bla. I mean just name anything and you will mostly it in some words, or at least you try to express it in words. Words works as your image career as well and helps you to differentiate with others. Try to avoid common selection of words as much as possible to convey messages. A conversation becomes more beautiful and effective when you add different and beautiful words, even from routine greetings to complex debates; words add charm, charisma and style to your presentation & personality.
17. Don’t Disappoint Him / Her!
Doesn’t matter what time it is, no matter what you are doing, if he / she needs you, try to be there at first call. There are times, when your relation feels that he / she need someone and this “someone” should be you as their first choice. When you prefer someone, he / she will automatically prefer you at same the level or even above than that. Its is true that sometimes you really get busy with some other matters, office work, study or entertainment activities, and its really hard to manage time for your relationships, but always remember “People are more important than the processes”. Don’t disappoint them at any cost, because the time which you give to someone, is the most precious thing in this universe.
18. Listen to Your Heart!
Logic might always right but it is not true that you should always follow them. Human beings are mixture of logic and sentiments. They can’t be treated by our own settled hard & fast rules, pre-defined decisions and calculated parameters. There are emotions which has to play their part as well. Don’t forget this, while dealing with your relations, especially in decision making. Don’t jump to conclusion at once. Listen what your heart says. Don’t think in term of benefits while doing anything for your relation. I would like to give you a personal tip, whenever there is a conflict between your head & heart, just close your eyes for few seconds, put your hand on your heart, and ask yourself what to do. Your heart will always guide you what is best, even it is against rationality and logic. Love the people by the heart, live the people by the heart.
19. Review Yourself!
Well do anything, but it is true that you will do mistake. Simply you can minimize them but you can’t avoid them. In relationship, it becomes critical sometimes when you make mistakes, and more dangerous when you don’t know what you have done. So always review yourself, and your relationship status. Keep an eye what you have done, what you are doing and what you are going to do. If you notice any error, don’t try to repeat this in future. Listen carefully if your relation has any complain from yourself, it will help you to analyze yourself. Sometimes there can be misunderstandings, or rumors from others that may trying to spoil your relation, don’t take them lightly. Don’t let these thing piles that they may stand between you and your relation.
20. Pray to God!
God knows only what is written for us or what is decided. Relations are one of His beautiful blessings, He gave to us and only He can give us spirit and encouragement to manage them. So always pray to Him, grateful to Him when you find pleasing, and ask Him for support in hard times. When no one hears, He is only Who listens, when no one realize yourself, He is only Who cares. There is certain time period decided by Him for every relationship, and if it is ended nothing can add a single moment in it. Always keep in mind, that He is the only one between you and your relation. Pray Him to protect him / her and keep your relationships longer and safer.
21. Implement 1 – 20!
We are very fond of reading and discussing about these things, but never try implementing them. Reading only can’t give you any benefit until unless you practically use learning in your daily and routine life. It is not necessary that all the things are applicable in your relationship or even though these things are not to be implement at once. You can just adopt one by one by the span of time. In addition, these are the not ultimate and there must be other points and factors which I ignored by my limited knowledge or experience. So try to see every of your relation by its level and requirements and if you are capable of applying them, not a bad idea to develop your own points, Isn’t it???
By: Naveed Taj Ghouri
What makes this poem different from a normal love song?
Life is such a thing that at times it takes us to a point where no matter what we think or try to do, we are left helpless, only with a hope that may be someday everything will become alright; well till then its only suffering…